So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
