My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
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For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
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