Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
