so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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