epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
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