I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
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