i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
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