this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
