She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Randomize
