I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
