If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
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