There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
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