If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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