Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
