She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
