I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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