its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
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