ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
