Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
