Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
