I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
