So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
so much tequila, so little girl.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
