Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
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