we're blogging at a bar
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
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