My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Randomize
