I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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