last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
false alarm, still single
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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