On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Less talking, more tequila
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
