I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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