your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
