tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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