Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Your topless pictures make me question reality
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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