I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
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