I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
