....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Randomize
