im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
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