After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
