this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize
