Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
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