I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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