How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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