God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
this is an emotional support booty call
I think people are normalizing furries
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
