i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
