I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Randomize
