As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
