woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
My pussy is not your playground.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Randomize
