I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Randomize
