as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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