Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
My brain says no but my pants say off.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
