Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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