THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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