I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
In other news, I just burned my penis
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
