What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
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