I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
