Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Canadian or clown?
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.