On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life