Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
