i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
