There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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