is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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