I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
