I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
