i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
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