hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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