I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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