I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
