your parents love me but you hate me
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
only you would photoshop your dick
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
