What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Randomize
