So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
