dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
This is the high leading the old right now
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
