Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Randomize
