so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
you made out with another girl for some wings
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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