just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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