Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I have already put on my inside pants.
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